He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
