I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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