look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
