She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
