Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
