omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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