I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sext me about skeletons
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
