Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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