THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
