She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
