i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
