I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
