So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
