i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
