Tell her she can't have a vagina
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
