so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
