she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
