3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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