sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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