she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
