hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize