He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
