We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
