Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Do you remember whose house we're in?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
