We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
