these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
She announced her abortion via fbk
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
