I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
