So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Randomize
