You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
