Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
