Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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