The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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