Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
where are my eyebrows?
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