did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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