If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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