why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
