I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
