at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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