Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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