Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
