Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Mom said you looked used
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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