it hurts more in the daytime
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
