she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
