I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
