kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
