all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
