Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
