yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Sext me about skeletons
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
