I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
