How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
