WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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