I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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