I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
