you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
