I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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