If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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