Christians are straight up FREAKS
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
