im drinking this country out of the recession.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
