She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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