At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
