Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This is classic penis vs brain.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
