I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
