I could make wine with my vomit
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
