She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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