the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
