It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
