I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
