were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
